Yeah. I'm pretty much a complete skeptic. I see the basic survival assumptions
(causality for example) as matters of faith, so I'm coming from a pretty extreme
point of view.
I get closer to that when my anxiety kicks in, not sure I like it though.
My common existence is not easy. Driving thought away is the only means of survival.
Gaming does that. So does drinking. Or spamming.
People tell me atheism means I believe there is no God, which by definition isn't true, atheism is my lack of belief in god which is a different thing.
So, how is that any different from agnosticism? And what do we call those people, who self-identify as atheists,
but truly just seem to believe that there is no god? Oh, they may put some cover that "of course we can't know,"
but then proceed to attack the very idea as absurd. Reality itself is absurd - thus Tertullian's misappropriation.
However once I've started thinking about it, is it a lack of belief? Can I actually have a lack of belief about something I am consciously thinking about or do I deep down just believe it isn't true?
You've hit on it here. Belief is belief. You can 'not believe' in the sense of having no real opinion
on the matter. Science as a whole does not believe in god; it is agnostic - makes no statements
which can help to answer the question. But, once you have an opinion on the likelihood, you are
entering the realm of faith. Once you start thinking that it is actually HARD to believe, you are
actively disbelieving.
I guess I could start using the term agnostic atheist but then I'd have to explain even more when someone asks me.
Whereas EVERYONE seems to know what agnostic means. The water has only been muddied
by modern atheists, realizing the stronger version of their credo is essentially indefensible,
have squatted into agnosticism - but still are often as rigidly dogmatic as the older version.
They try and hide their faith, because that too seems ridiculous.
Thing is, humans NEED faith. Living without it, in pure skepticism, puts you where I am,
which is not at all a pleasant place.